GENERALS
I’m a hustler, baby.
Josh Beckett: vs. Oak (Braden), vs. KC (TBA)
The most questionable all-star pick in my mind gets a candy hop in the last week before the break.
Matt Cain: vs. Fla (West), vs. SD (Silva)
More than able to get a couple dubs here.
C.C. Sabathia: at Min (Baker), at LAA (Weaver)
Si-Si, senor. Wash yourself of Charles Carston this week.
Yovani Gallardo: vs. StL (Wainwright), vs. LAD (Milton)
Yoga with Miller is very effective.
Cole Hamels: vs. Cin (Cueto), vs. Pit (Ohlendorf)
The Camel finds his glory in the desert rain.
Josh Johnson: at SF (Zito), at Ari (Davis)
Plain Jane Name, not so much game.
MAJORS
Awesome pitchers with so-so matchups and so-so pitchers with awesome matchups.
Jered Weaver: vs. Tex (Millwood), vs. NYY (Sabathia)
Weaver may flip the Fidryich to Joe Maddon this week by getting two wins at home. Wakefield over Weaver is a joke.
Adam Wainwright: at Mil (Gallardo), at CHC (Wells)
Waino will attempt to pitch Birds to strong finish before break.
Javier Vazquez: at CHC (Dempster), at Col (Hammel)
Horrible matchups for jayvee. If you don’t expect much from me, you won’t be let down.
Johnny Cueto: at Phi (Hamels), at NYM (Santana)
Mr. Cincinnati Red will show Charlie Manuel he’s a d-bag and should of made that team.
James Shields: vs. Tor (Mills), vs. Oak (Anderson)
Shields ready for a big week and a bigger second half.
Scott Baker: vs. NYY (Sabathia), vs. CWS (Buehrle)
I loved Baker in the pre-season and I love him even more now. He has an insignificant name and look but pitches like a beast.
Mark Buehrle: vs. Cle (Sowers), at Min (Baker)
Mark looking rather burly against AL Central foes.
Ryan Dempster: vs. Atl (Vazquez), vs. StL (Wellemeyer)
They call her good ole cum dempster.
Aaron Harang: at Phi (Happ), at NYM (Pelfrey)
Harangman, its not your fault. Commit this to memory.
Mike Hampton: vs. Pit (Vasquez), vs. Was (Zimmerman)
Nolasco had the same matchup last week and gave up nothing and struck out 20. Hampton not in that class, but he is my pick of the week of pitchers with poor ownership.
John Smoltz: vs. Oak (Anderson), vs. KC (Meche)
Smoltz has looked his age lately but shouldn’t against two slappies at Fenway.
Clayton Kershaw: at NYM (Pelfrey), at Mil (McClung)
Clay K destined for 5 or 6 ips with a handful of K’s and walks. Get used to it.
SERGEANTS
They call it risky business.
Randy Wells: vs. Atl (Jurrjens), vs. StL (Wainwright)
Wells’s good buddy had a nosering. Some teammates like to call Randy Rocksteady.
Jair Jurrjens: at CHC (Wells), at Col (Marquis)
Thank you for flying Jai Aire. Hope for a safe landing.
Kevin Millwood: at LAA (Weaver), at Sea (Morrow)
Are you ready for the fallout?
Andy Pettitte: vs. Tor (Romero), at LAA (Saunders)
I must admit I didn’t think much of Andy first time I laid eyes on him; looked like a stiff breeze would blow him over. That was my first impression of the man.
Ricky Romero: at NYY (Pettitte), at Bal (Hill)
All the fantasy gurus say Romero is a must-own. I’m calling him a risky start at best this week.
J.A. Happ: vs. Cin (Harang), vs. Pit (Vasquez)
Whatever happens, happens.
Mike Pelfrey: vs. LAD (Kershaw), vs. Cin (Harang)
Bats in the Pelfrey at Citi Field.
Gil Meche: at Det (Galarraga), at Bos (Smoltz)
Don’t start Gilbert at the week of the mesh point.
Kevin Correia: at Ari (Davis), at SF (Zito)
Wire flyer if you are desperate.
Jason Marquis: vs. Was (Stammen), vs. Atl (Jurrjens)
Marquis has 7 big league seasons under his belt and all 7 times his club has made the post-season However, this is the first time he will suit up for an All-Star team.
Doug Davis: vs. SD (Correia), vs. Fla (Johnson)
Dee Dee at home and if you are trying to chase victories.
Brad Bergesen: at Sea (Washburn), vs. Tor (Mills)
I will advise him in the deepest of leagues.
Jarrod Washburn: vs. Bal (Bergesen), vs. Tex (Millwood)
Safeco a safe place for pitchers but perhaps not for Rangers and O’s against a lefty.
Jordan Zimmerman: at Col (Hammel), at Hou (Hampton)
Z-pac at launching pads in Texas and Colorado this week.
Barry Zito: vs. Fla (Johnson), vs. SD (Correia)
Zito used to be very good.
PRIVATES
She don’t think straight.
Armando Galarraga: vs. KC (Meche), vs. Cle (Sowers)
Don’t get caught up in Armando’s games of cat and mouse.
Jason Hammel: vs. Was (Zimmermann), vs. Atl (Vazquez)
Don’t start Hammel at Coors and don’t mess with alligators.
Jon Garland: vs. SD (Silva), vs. Fla (West)
Dave Duncan would take Judy over Dawn in this case.
Todd Wellemeyer: at Mil (Suppan), at CHC (Dempster)
Colonel ready for a thrashing on road in upper midwest.
Sean West: at SF (Cain), at Ari (Garland)
Go left, young man. But don’t go west.
Vicente Padilla: at LAA (Lackey), at Sea (Washburn)
Vicente blows harder than an F-5 tornado.
Jeremy Sowers: CWS (Buehrle), at Det (Galarraga)
Jeremy will leave a sour taste in your mouth at the break.
Brett Anderson: at Bos (Smoltz), at TB (Shields)
At some point he will probably become usable. But i’m talking years from now.
Brad Mills: at TB (Shields), at Bal (Bergesen)
Anchors away and shiver me timbers….
Virgil Vasquez: at Hou (Hampton), at Phi (Happ)
The Buccos are great.
Craig Stammen: at Col (Marquis), at Hou (Oswalt)
I feel like Stammen makes this list each week. Perhaps cause they skip his turn.
Walter Silva: at Ari (Garland), at SF (Cain)
Mr. Locke. Vincent. and WALT!!